*worry winds*

~the calm before the storm. just look at those furrowed brows.

I am an overly anxious person. I have struggled with this since my younger years, but I think having a child threw me into a whole different category altogether, partial nutcase if you will (that is my clinical diagnosis!). Those who really know me know that I have an overwhelming fear that I will pass this trait onto my kids, and I know that in a way it is inevitable. I have contemplated taking meds from time to time, but I always return to something a close friend once said, "you wouldn't be jenny without the whole package". I kind of secretly embrace this crazy anxiety, and try very hard to keep it in check around the little ones.

And then there are times like this weekend, where I realized it is inevitable that I have passed along some of this to my little man.  We It was a beautiful day and we decided to enjoy it with a picnic at Wash Park. Chad packed up everything a little boy could possibly want on a beautiful day (imagine every piece of sports equipment ever made) and his new, awesome kite that he got for Easter from Mamaw and Papaw. We got to the park and planted ourselves in a cozy shady spot,  met up with Uncle Brian, and had a few moments of peace before it started. 

It was a windy day. Not crazy hurricane windy, but just windy. Kaden's little flimsy dollar store frisbee that he could care less about blew away, just a few feet, into the creek. He lost it. We got it back in a minute, but it was too late, he had turned some corner and proceeded to have an anxiety attack that lasted for about 90 minutes. He held on for dear life to every bag we brought, footballs, the stroller, even Sophia, screaming bloody murder at the top of his lungs every time the wind started to blow a bit. Why did we stay 90 minutes??? I think we were all blown away (ha! no pun intended) by it, we didn't really believe it. I tried everything from my therapy toolbox to calm him down and nothing worked. At one point he howled very loudly "I'm worried about EVERYTHING" and then clung to me for dear life. Daddy tried to fly his kite with him, hoping to distract him and he cried the entire time. He came back to sit with me and Sophia and I finally got him calm, and he even said in a very zenlike tone "Everything's fine mommy". And then BAM, the wind blew and he lost it again, gripping to his Pirate Booty with everything he had (at this point I think he was lying down on top of it). So we left, finally, 90 minutes of pure torture for this little man.

So it's safe to say he is not a big fan of the wind. I think back to some of the silly things I may have said to him to make him so afraid, and I couldn't help but analyze that this is all because he has lost a part of us with the arrival of Sophia, or maybe he is feeling the loss of having to share us with another, and he is feeling anxious that there is more to lose. Or maybe he is just a sweet three year old that has a fun little worry about the wind, and we can leave it at that.  Whatever it may be....it sure doesn't leave things very boring around here.